Self awareness is an amazing thing. . . .but being aware of one's process doesn't mean that it's ever able to be changed :) Or, honestly, that I ever want to change it. But I have learned two things about myself over the years: (1) I won't move until I feel ready to do so, and (2) once I'm ready to move, I need to do it right away, or else the plan will change a thousand times :)
I love the analogy of how an air plane gets from point A to point B. During a flight, it is almost NEVER on course! The winds and other factors sway the plane from one direction to another in a sort of zigzag pattern, but the plane (or pilot) makes constant corrections to the direction, so that in the end the plane arrives pretty much on time and in the right place. . . .
One of my friends once told me that she stopped writing my address in pen. I get it. . . .I can make changes to my life direction easily and quickly (too quickly for some people's personal preference). But imagine if we never made corrections to the direction of our journey. What if we remained moving in the same direction even if there were clear signs that something in our life begged for change?
The funny thing is that I don't really do change well. . . .change makes me anxious. . . .but when I am anxious for too long it is often only change that will calm me down. It is this crazy paradox of my personal process that gives me momemtum to constantly reinvent who I want to be. I can do that. . . .as there is no one other than God to whom I need to justify the way I live my life (no kids--no husband--no sick/elderly parents to care for).
So where am I right now? Passport is in process. . . .I continue to study for this killer math test. . . .I am preparing car and trailer for the summer vacation up in Nova Scotia. . . .and I am waiting to see how this crazy economy turns itself over the course of the next year. Still focused on North Carolina as my next step destination. . . I just don't want to end up jobless and homeless in Chapel Hill.
So all I can really say is that it's a good thing that I enjoy flying solo :)