Line Dance

I have a lot of experience with conformity to social expectations, and also the lack thereof. We human beings write books and poems about the road less traveled, and how taking these roads will somehow make all the difference. We create posters that dare us to be square pegs in the round holes. We sing about dreaming the impossible dream, and remind each other how what other people think of us is just none of our business.

So why are we still so afraid to step out of line?

What I'm finding interesting tonight is how even though I've pretty much spent my whole life stepping out of line, I am still affected by what other people think about the way that I live my life. It doesn't stop me necessarily from turning my whole life upside down, but I am still affected by what other people think about me and the choices that I make. It's just interesting...because I would think that a person with such a long history of gypsy living would be more immune to the thoughts of others. . . .but she's not :)

Since 1998, I've had a very strong vision of the way I want my life to be structured, and while I've made several attempts to create this vision, I have not (yet) succeeded. Sitting here tonight, I see very clearly how that incomplete success is caused by the lack of a complete commitment to the creation of the vision. And, interestingly, the lack of commitment is informed by my anticipation of how other people will think about me and the life I have structured. It just surprises me. . . .to find this lurking within me.

Ham or eggs?

I love this line from one of the Gray's Anatomy shows where the husband of a wife shares the wisdom of commitment as "ham or eggs." The chicken is involved, he says (because the chicken DOES provide the eggs), but the pig, ah, the pig is committed to the project. So, which is it. . . .ham or eggs? Am I going to remain involved with my life, or am I going to make a committment to it? Ham or eggs? It's that simple.