Life is a journey, not a destination.
So today I am reminded that there are roots to everything, roots that are not always easy to discern. I needed to cry today, but didn't know why. And, yes, sometimes I do need to understand why I feel what I feel, because there are roots to every thought and every feeling, even if I don't have conscious awareness of them.
I didn't just feel like crying today for no good reason.
I hesitate to write the words. . . .words that belong to an eight-year old, and not really me. This is her story to tell, not mine. Today she shared her story with me, and I listened. I know this is vague, but that's the way the roots of feelings are. . . .vague and indistinct.
I think that's why feelings can sometimes be hard to understand. . . .because the roots of what we feel run so deep and underground. Or maybe we're just not ready to hear what the feelings are trying to say, and so we escape or avoid until we're ready listen. . . .or until the roots have been exposed for exactly what they are.
Today, the roots were exposed. . . .
I went to mass tonight, my first time here at the canyon, in search of something to help me move beyond the roots, beyond the feelings, beyond this ever pervasive sense of disconnection and isolation. Maybe not so much to move beyond the roots, but perhaps to find a way for my roots to feel connected to those roots that run deeper than me and ground me to something more than just the smallness of my life.