Positive thoughts are nothing more than thoughts that start with "I can" (rather than "I can't").
It's such a simple awareness, yet separating out the requisite need for a positive thought to be a happy thought frees up all kinds of possibility. Because it means that I may feel unbearably sad/anxious/panicked, but I can still maintain a positive mental attitude. If I find myself in the middle of a dark storm, saying the words I can endure this storm IS creating a positive mental attitude! I may not ever be able to stop or change the storm itself, but thinking I can thoughts is absolutely maintaining a positive mental attitude. . . .it's the I can't thoughts that create the negativity that undermines and sabotages.
Why have I allowed myself to be duped into believing that Positive = Happy?
Last week I had my initial session with a new/different trauma therapist, and we talked a lot about acceptance. It is absolutely unfathomable for me to "accept" the reality of the panic attacks, and this fact seems to be a stuck point. But we also talked about the possibility that the panic attacks (as unproductive as they may be) are nothing more than my brain's way of trying to heal itself. So we reframed the panic attacks as a "healing crisis" rather than a broken and dysfunctional brain, and she suggested that by accepting the panic as something that may never change, I can still change my relationship to it, change the way that I think about the panic attacks.
I can change the relationship I have with the panic attacks, even if I never accept the panic attacks themselves.
Another mantra I have integrated into my daily life is something from the Alanon literature (the "Just for Today..." pamphlet). So when I meld these two ideas, what I end up with is a whole list of positive thoughts that shape and form a positive mental attitude, thoughts that have absolutely NOTHING to do with happy thoughts, or even "feeling" happy at all!
Just for today, I CAN handle/endure the panic and anxiety, even if I can't stop or change it!
What I realize is that there are definitely imbalances and disturbances in the way that my physical world interacts with my mental/emotional world, but this chaotic interaction is not the end all and be all of the equation, because there is a third world that also collides with the other two. . . .the world of my spirit self. . . .and this is the deepest and most enduring truth of who I am.
My physical self is going to one day cease functioning and decay back into earth that has created and nourished my body for all of these long years. And while I may not know what will happen to my mental/emotional self once the physical self has died, I absolutely know that my spirit self will live on with God.
And I'm not saying that everything is fixed by this awareness, but at least I feel that I really can do this. . . .I can get through this day, even in the presence of anxiety and panic. . . .because the panic is all about a positive and life affirming healing crisis in my physical self. And I can choose the thoughts and beliefs that create a positive mental attitude, even if the thoughts themselves are not "happy" thoughts. . . .which then frees up my spirit to find and appreciate the beauty of God that surrounds and embraces me. . . .which is what the purpose of life is all about anyway. . . .