When you are a goal-oriented person (as I clearly am...lol), there is a tendency to feel like no progress is being made during "slower" periods of progress. For me, this tendency may be stronger than most, so I am still processing the disappointment I am experiencing to be "here," when the goal was for me to already be "there."
My time management system probably is the most quintessential "me" of anything that I do. I don't just have a goal (and the requisite "To do" list that manages that goal attainment). When something is added to my calendar, it is preceded by this: (-). And when I have completed that task, the vertical line signifying completion ends up looking like this: (+).
Yes, every task that I complete, symbolically turns a "negative" into a "positive."
And, I absolutely love to look back through the previous weeks and months to see all of those little "positives" applauding my effort and motivating me to turn even just one more "negative" into a "positive."
I never said my system was a "healthy" system...lol...but, it's my system, and it works really well for me...up until the point that I can't convert the "negatives" fast enough. And that's when my system breaks down...and all of that negativity begins to build pressure...and the more pressure there is, the more stressed out I feel...but, also the more disappointed I feel, as well.
Yup, every system has its breaking point...lol.
Shakespeare in Love is one of my all-time favorite movies. And, there is this one scene when Collin Ferth's character is trying to get his newly wed wife on to the ship to the Americas (and away from William Shakespeare)...so, he makes this grand statement about how "the tide waits for no man!" (As Viola is making her fast exit out the other side of the carriage and into the theater...lol). Collin Ferth is great...lol.
But, if it is true that the tide waits for no man (which, of course, it is...because Collin Ferth said so...lol), then it is just as true that the summer season in Nova Scotia waits for no woman, her bagpipes, and her crazy traveling cat...lol.
As I sit here at my dad's home staring at a calendar filled will all of these unconverted "negatives" (feeling like I have somehow reneged on the promise I made to my mom to pipe for her on her birthday this year), the only thing that matters is a daughter's deep disappointment...and the uncomforting knowlwdge that even if I made quick repairs and a beeline to Nova Scotia, the summer season would already be nearly over...and the winter storms would be quickly on my heels for the whole trip back to Arizona.
There is not a lot of comfort for me on this day of seasonal truth combined with a broken down time management system filled with unmerciful negatives awaiting their conversion...lol.
Well, it's just a delay...a delay that my mom would absolutely want me to take...a delay that gives me the gift of time with Denny, and a whole new calendar of delicious negatives to turn into positives...lol.
But, I think I need to come up with a better system...one that doesn't leave me feeling so utterly drained and disappointed...or symbolically creating so much "negativity" when they don't get converted fast enough. But, that's what this new open-ended life is all about...creating a new life management system.
As for now, I will trudge on over to the trailer place for some facts and information, because that is one negative that I can turn into enough positive energy to lighten the load of a daughter's disappointment...and, because I know that my mom knows just how much my heart and spirit are working to get up to Nova Scotia to pipe for her.
I'm sorry, Mom...I've done my best to get there. But, I promise that I WILL pipe for you on your birthday. It may be from here in the American Southwest, but the piping will be from my soul, not my geography, so you will hear me even if I am here, and not (yet) there.
