Healing

The human body is amazing. I once read about benefits of deep cleansing, and how if we don't have everything we need at the time of an injury to heal a wound, the body will do the best it can with what it has. But later, no matter how many years later it takes, when the body has the time and resources to do so, it will go back and break down old tissue (even scars and adhesions) and rebuild new tissue in a way that creates a healthier and stronger body. It is painful. But in the end the body is stronger. . . .and healthier.

I beleive that the human psyche does exactly the same thing. When we are too young to know how to heal psychological wounds, the mind will heal itself as best it can with what it's got at the time. That doesn't mean that makes us "functional" lol...but it does make it possible to continue on in the journey. . . .until we find or create the healing that we need.

We do the best with what we've got. . . . and we heal in layers, as we are willing and able to do so.

Over the course of the past eighteen years I have done a lot of "healing" work, one layer at a time. Personal therapy, art therapy, recovery, acupuncture, reiki, massage, bio-feedback, grad school, self-help ad infinitum. But parts of me (unfortunately) still feel broken and beyond repair, and I don't want to live in this psychologically "crippled" place any longer. I'm not "broken" per se, but the way my mind has healed from the life-trauma wounds leaves me with a high maintenance life of having to manage the never ending anxiety and panic and inability to get a good night's sleep. I don't want such a high maintenance life, and I also don't want to simply medicate these symptoms away. I want to be rid of these limitations. . . .once and for all.

It is possible. . . .I have seen PET scans and SPECT scans of brains that have healed. Dr. Amen's ground breaking book, "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" is an amazing road map into neuro-psychology, and cutting edge therapeutic modalities are now able to document the concrete evidence of how the mind can heal, even after living many years with disordered and chaotic hardwiring caused by abuse and trauma. It takes a lot of time, but it is possible.

As for me, I love the person my life has forged me to be, but I do want a better way of responding to life's challenges. And sometimes when a bone (whether physical or psychological) does not get set right the first time, you have to go back and rebreak that bone so that it can heal correctly and make the body/mind functional and strong again.

So I have some more layers of healing work ahead of me. It will be painful, of course. . . .but  the pain will be worth it. . . .the pain is always worth it when you gain a stronger, healthier life on the other side. . . .