But the problem as I see it now is perspective. . . .my perspective. I want what I can't have here. And the bigger problem is that I don't think I'll find what I want anywhere else, either. Then the even bigger problem from there is that I think about this stuff way too much. . . lol. But it's who I am. . . .I am a creative observer to life. . . .and I think deeply upon what I see. . . .especially when what I see changes with perspective much like how the canyon changes depending on the light. Perspective changes everything.
I once read this amazing book about the mind of an artist, I think it was called Creating Minds. Yes, that's what it was called. The author looked at a small collection of iconic creative minds that revolutionized a part of the world. . . .Albert Einstein. . . .Picasso. . . . Martha Graham. . . .Freud. . . . .Gandhi.. . .and I can't recall the others. But the basic premise of the book is that the artistic mind is essentially not a "normal" mind, but rather is fueled by some form of mental/emotional angst or imbalance of sorts. A mind in balance doesn't seek to make sense of the disorder. It's an interesting premise. . . .one that I am holding near and dear right now. . . .lol.
My journey is constantly changing as I seek to make sense of the disordered fragments within my life, yet I long for permanence and stability, which makes no sense. I am a walking paradox. It's a good thing my friends love me for who I am, because I honestly don't know from day to day what I will do or where I will end up. Every day is a potential opportunity for me to turn my life upside down and head off into the middle of a grand adventure. Every day is also an opportunity to leave myself only to return finding that everything has changed.
I feel a bit like Siddharta right now. . . .ever searching for truth only to find that truth changes depending on one's perspective on life in a given moment. Nothing is permanent, not even personal truth. So for now, I am here. . . .and that is all I know for certain. . . .