It's nearly 1 in the afternoon, and I feel immobilized. I have downsized my life into the 10x10 storage unit...I have built all of the major structural pieces for the inside of the trailer...I have envisioned a completely different way of doing my life....but now I am at a point where my life experience no longer informs my choices, and I feel paralyzed.
I don't have enough information to reasonably predict the outcome, so I am afraid to take the next step.
The next step involves the securing of the structure, and I just don't know...I am well beyond my knowledge and experience here, because I'm dealing with forces that are just not relevant in a static box. This box will vibrate, twist, and jolt in ways that make standard ways of securing obsolete...so, I feel paralyzed....and I'm not accustomed to not knowing.
What if I fuck this up? I have invested a large chunk of my tiny bit of capital to buy this new home, so I can't just start over if I shred the plywood. Yes, that would be the worst expected outcome...that the bolts are yanked out...that the butterfly clamps are sheered off by the jolting forces...that the internal structure completely collapses into a pile of debris...and I no longer have a safe and sacred home.
Wow! That really is a worst case scenario!
If I just do what Patty suggests (and put everything into totes) then it's still functional, and I am essentially guaranteed success. To take the next step of MY plan is taking a huge risk...because totes I know...I don't know securing stuff to a box on wheels!
Yes, that's true...manifesting your vision IS the bigger risk. So, if the worst case scenario happens....and it could...then you will treat it like you would any other disaster (natural or choice-created). You will sift through the rubble...retrieve what remains viable...and recreate a new vision that incorporates what you learn from this....because there really is NO way to know how your vision will actually work out unless you try.
The only way to find out how this will turn out is to step into the unknown...to risk everything for the vision and the dream.
So, the question becomes, Do you want the safe, guaranteed option? Or, Do you want to risk everything for the manifestation of your dream home? And, can you live with hearing the words "I told you so!" if your choice to risk everything for your vision actually does end up in a pile of debris and shredded wood?
I don't know...I need to sit with all of this and process through. Just for today I can go to the storage and sort through what's left, and see if I can find the courage to take this next step...
Yes, you can...
