I have a lot on my mind tonight, but mostly it's about all of the unknowns associated with my trip. I have planned and prepared for months, but now it's down to last minute details...details and probabilities for success.
There are many things I've done to help prepare me for this, but I have never actually done this before, so everything is going to be a learning curve. Well, not everything...and as I think about it, there really is very little about this trip that I haven't already done...it's just about putting it all together in a unique way that makes this feel like I am out of my element.
Yes, there will be parts of this journey that will overwhelm me, but that is no different than anything else that I do on any given day. My brain is easily overwhelmed...that's one of the PTSD symptoms that makes my daily life such a challenge...but this fact isn't going to stop me from taking this journey (or cause me to turn back once I begin).
If I allowed feeling overwhelmed to make my decisions for me, I would generally never get out of bed...lol.
What I am learning is that my brain gets overwhelmed by too much external stimulus...so I will simply make my way at a pace that minimizes the overwhelmed feelings. If this trip takes 3 months to get to Nova Scotia and I have only a few weeks there, then so be it.
I am trying to learn how to live in today, without the pressures of intangible futures...which isn't an easy thing to do...but I am learning....even if it's a slow process.
Predictions are something that I am paring out of my life, because what positive purpose can they possibly serve? Positive or negative, they still deal with intangible future outcomes. Living in the now, there is simply nothing for me to be gained by trying to prove or predict one future or another...and living an open-ended life by its very definition means that my journey can change at any point that I decide for it to change.
I'll never get anywhere if I don't have goals, right?
An open-ended life is a goal directed life...it's just that the goals are present-moment based (rather than future potentials & possibilities)...which changes everything, of course.
So will I make it to Nova Scotia? I have no idea...lol...but even more important than this is whether I can let go of Nova Scotia as a bucket list goal to be achieved so that I will be able to enjoy the journey along the way.
