The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland

The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland
Home is where the heart is...

Saturday, January 21, 2012

I had a dream earlier. . . .I am camping with Sarra along a wilderness protected river, and we are in a tent. Two German Sheppard dogs are barking and trying to get in the tent to attack Sarra. The cat's instincts are to run, so I am struggling to hold on to her and also zip the door closed. I am fiercely protecting her from both her instincts and the dogs, kicking the dogs with my booted feet, yelling at the owner to get control of his dogs.

What is different about this dream is that it's not a dream about powerlessness or helplessness, it's a dream about me fiercely protecting a vulnerable Sarra, which is richly symbolic of the vulnerable parts of my self that needs to be protected right now.

I don't say no. That's not true; I do say no, but it's often only after a great deal of angst and anxiety.

I am moving into a different me, a me who draws lines, a me who says, "No." and means it. The paring down my Grand Canyon Facebook friends list is bigger than just what it appears on the surface. I understand that Facebook has become the new social currency, with snippets of life status that connect people in ways that out-dated "live" conversations used to, but my conscious choosing of who I allow to have contact with what I share about my life here, that is exactly the same thing as me kicking away the dogs trying to get at the vulnerable Sarra. . . .it is my way of fiercely protecting the vulnerable parts of me that needs to feel safe and protected while things get sorted out.

I love how nature teaches important life truths. I remember watching Sarra's little kittens as they first started to learn about the world. They are so completely trusting. A kitten will romp and play, even with "danger" just around the corner, because it doesn't always know what is friend or foe. A kitten may not yet know, but a cat does, and a mama cat teaches her kittens to discern between the two. . . .that's just what mama cats do. That, and fight like the dickens to keep them safe and protected.

So I think there is more change on my horizon, change that may not always feel fun and fuzzy, but a change that is going to emerge whether I want it to, or not.