The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland

The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland
Home is where the heart is...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Art of Self Defense

My friend Stephanie did something totally awesome this week, something that was essentially about standing up for herself. But what I keep thinking about is how differently I would have handled the situation. . . .and I don't mean in a good way, because the hard truth is that I wouldn't have done a thing! I would have just let it happened, and then suffered with the endless angst about how pissed off I was about it!

This really bothers me. I am so great at advocating for other people, but when it comes to myself, I do NOT stand up for myself. If I am pushed hard enough (or backed up into a corner) I will come out fighting, but it's never a good outcome. . . .because I always end up saying things in a way that I regret before I even say it, but can't quite seem to stop the words as they are pushed over the edge.

When it was about the kids on my case load, I never had a problem standing my ground with overbearing social workers, psychiatrists, and lawyers. I once even defied a judge's court order, which could have sent me to jail had the judge not taken into consideration the reasons why I defied it. But when it's about me, especially when dealing with a bully tyrant, I avoid conflict at any cost!

What an ugly and uncomfortable truth this is. What am I so afraid of? I think it's about time I learn how to stand my ground like Steph. . . .Stephanie rocks!