My friend Stephanie did something totally awesome this week, something that was essentially about standing up for herself. But what I keep thinking about is how differently I would have handled the situation. . . .and I don't mean in a good way, because the hard truth is that I wouldn't have done a thing! I would have just let it happened, and then suffered with the endless angst about how pissed off I was about it!
This really bothers me. I am so great at advocating for other people, but when it comes to myself, I do NOT stand up for myself. If I am pushed hard enough (or backed up into a corner) I will come out fighting, but it's never a good outcome. . . .because I always end up saying things in a way that I regret before I even say it, but can't quite seem to stop the words as they are pushed over the edge.
When it was about the kids on my case load, I never had a problem standing my ground with overbearing social workers, psychiatrists, and lawyers. I once even defied a judge's court order, which could have sent me to jail had the judge not taken into consideration the reasons why I defied it. But when it's about me, especially when dealing with a bully tyrant, I avoid conflict at any cost!
What an ugly and uncomfortable truth this is. What am I so afraid of? I think it's about time I learn how to stand my ground like Steph. . . .Stephanie rocks!