I have been retracing my steps. . . .steps along this journey of Odysseus I live. . . .trying to find that single tiny point in time when I unknowingly diverged from my path. . . .that unremarkable cross roads where I made a choice. . . .a choice that changed everything.
My niece's journey is reminding me of how utterly dark and lonely my own journey has been. The days, weeks, months when all I could do was lie in the middle of my living room floor wishing for the unbearable pain to end. I want to say that I bravely endured this pain, but the truth is I didn't. . . .I gave up repeatedly, succombing to the endless torrent that crashed my exhasperated spirit against the ever craggy rocks with the hope that I would soon be sucked down into the dark depths of the watery abyss that awaited my battered soul. . . .
Yet somehow, mostly by the grace of God, I am here, fully alive, in love with my life, and called back to where it all began. . . .back to where I first diverged. . . .back to the place where the me I once wanted to be sits anxiously waiting and wondering if I am still in love with her and the path upon which she awaits my long overdue return.