I love when my whole world gets turned upside down.
I had my first biofeedback session this morning. He hooked me up to the Heart Math program (gotta love that name :) and I watched it measure my pulse and heart rate as I sat in the chair doing nothing more than the rhythmic breathing I was instructed to do. And I watched as the coherence value slowly increased up to 97% which kept the squiggly blue line steadily increasing just below the max line in "the zone" (the target area where the coherence value was supposed to be).
The problem (for me) was that during the session, I kept feeling like I couldn't breathe, feeling like I was choking and having a difficult time swallowing. I would rub my throat and rub my sternum the way I always do to help myself feel like I can breathe better. I felt lightheaded and on the verge of panic the whole time I sat there breathing rhythmically watching the coherence value plateau out at 97%.
After twenty minutes of this biofeedback exercise, I learned that most people on their first try are barely able to get their squiggly blue line anywhere near "the zone," let alone have it ride along the maximum zone. I also learned that this man (who uses the program every day) doesn't even maintain a 97% coherence rate, so he was beyond amazed by how steady I was able to maintain my breathing and heart rate, especially given that it was my first time out. Yes, I am an over achiever. . . .but these aren't the pieces that turn my world upside down.
According to that machine, not only was I relaxed, but I was able to maintain a physiological state of relaxation that most people are unable to achieve. . . .ever! Yet I sat there feeling like I couldn't breathe and was going to choke! And when I made a statement about how my body doesn't relax when I do meditation and breathing exercises, he very clearly pointed out that the data from the biofeedback proves otherwise!
My body was relaxed, but that is not what I was experiencing!
So either the machine is incorrect, or my brain is somehow misinterpretting information about what's happening in my body, and I have absolutely no doubt that the machine was perfectly correct in what it was measuring! What a break through! My physiological reality is not congruent with the perception of reality in my brain! I don't really know what this all means just yet, but it changes everything about how I think about my body and relaxation. . . .
So I'm not even sure what my next step is going to be, but let the research begin!