I had a conversation with a friend last week, and part of what we talked about was the tenacious way that I fight for what I want. I may move on quickly (once that choice is finally made), but I don't make that choice easily. . . .because I keep trying to figure out how to make something work. . . .when it's something that I really want to work. . . .and so I stay when I should leave. . . . and I fight when I should yield. . . . and I continue to knock when I should simply walk away. . . .
I don't look for open windows. . . .I keep knocking on doors that keep closing on my face. . . .
It's a funny thing. . . .the way we knock on closed doors. It's the way the world works, actually. We want something on the other side of a closed door, and so we knock. . . .nicely, at first. . . .knock on the closed door hoping that we will be let in on the other side. Some times we are, and that can be a lovely thing. But there are always conditions asked of the door to let us in, of course. . . .always conditions that require pieces of who we are to be tucked away. . . .or worse, surrendered completely before entry is granted.
Why do I keep knocking on the doors that keep closing on me?
Some doors should never be knocked upon. . . . and, yet I knock, over and over I knock upon the doors that serve no earthly good for the betterment of my spirit. I am the worst offender of this, because I don't give up. . . I keep on fighting for what I want. . . .even with open windows blowing clean fresh air all around me, I will stand at that door and knock until my spirit is bloody and raw if there is any hope at all that I might get what I want on the other side of that door.
Tenacity is a good thing. . . .but there is a thin line between tenacity and insanity. . . doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results?
These past few weeks have been about the windows of opportunity that have opened up for me. . . . .and my willingness to find out what's on the other side of the open windows, rather than continuing to knock on the doors that keep closing on me. They're not arbitrary windows, of course. . . .they are windows that offer what I need on the other side of a leap of faith that appears to be landing me softly and quickly, and for that I am most grateful.
And so it begins. . . .a new round of knocking on doors that offer something that I want on the other side. . . .with a new opportunity to see what I have learned about walking away from the doors that remain closed.