IFR

I have continued to process this world-view changing information revealed at the biofeedback session earlier this week. . . .still trying to wrap my mind around the scientific fact that my body was in a state of physiological relaxation as I sat there feeling like I couldn't catch my breath. . . .feeling like I was choking. . . .feeling like I couldn't swallow. . . .feeling like I was on the verge of a full-on panic attack.

How do I trust what I'm feeling when it's been irrefutably proven to be wrong?

Back when I was in junior high I helped my step-dad prepare for his IFR license. Pilots first learn to fly using VFR (visual flight rule), which licenses a pilot to fly only in conditions where an ongoing visual is maintained with the terrain so that the pilot can see where he/she is flying. But the IFR (instrument flight rule) certification allows a pilot to fly during conditions that prohibit access to visual information about the environment (such as fog or storm clouds).

Denny told me that the most difficult part of the training is learning to trust the instruments, rather than what the body is feeling. The body is constantly trying to orient itself in three-dimensional space, but when the visual field is eliminated, the body doesn't always orient itself appropriately. So the body feels like the plane is flying level, but in reality the plane could actually be in a spiral nose dive. So the pilot has to disengage from every single feeling he or she has about what feels level. . . .and place that trust in the instruments. He said it's very funny to fly with a pilot who is training in a hood, because the pilot's anxiously telling the unhooded pilot, "There's no way that I'm flying level!" Yet when he's instructed to remove the hood, the plane is very clearly flying as it should, even though every internal sense or perception tells the brain something else.

That's what this feels like right now. . . so I don't know what to trust because my body is clearly relaxed, but my mind is telling me that I am anything but relaxed. . . .

So I'm still in progress with this, researching relaxation and what it means to be relaxed. I'm also very clear that this move to Prescott is exactly what I need right now, because all of the pieces of my next moves are going to be found down in Prescott (or nearby lying healing-centered communities). I may not know what to trust about the relaxation stuff (just yet). . . .but I absolutely trust my instincts that are motivating this move.