Every relationship is formed to serve a very specific purpose.
I have struggled for a while to define my purpose, but what I realize is that there is no single, central purpose to my life. My purpose is defined relationally, and specifically unique to each person, group, or community to which I belong. My purpose with each friend is different from my purpose as a sister, or my purpose as an employee, or my purpose with members of a group or organization to which I belong.
Every purpose defines the boundaries needed to carry out that purpose, informational boundaries, emotional information, physical boundaries, intimacy boundaries.
Like how I have many friends, but each friendship is uniquely defined around a specific purpose. That purpose may be mutually supportive processing, or sharing time together doing something we mutually enjoy, or talking about life philosophies for the mutual joy of philosophising. But each friendship has its own uinque purpose. It's the same with each and every relationship I have. . . .they are ALL created to serve a unique purpose.
And the unique purpose defines everything about that specific and unique relationship.
Businesses and corporations are formed and created based on a very clear purpose. It's called a mission statement. We generally don't formalize a mission statement with each relationship,but the relationship is still formed around its purpose. But I also think that much of the trouble that arises is because we haven't formalized the purpose of most of our relationships. . . .lol.
Wouldn't it be lovely if all relationships had their mission statements clearly defined?!
All relationshps have a "contract" of sorts that is either explicit (as is the case with business relationships) or implicit. The trouble with implicit relationship contracts that form the purpose of the relationship is that people end up participating in things they never agreed to! Or people change the purpose without even asking if you agree. Or people have a hidden agenda weaving its way around the purpose. . . .lol. It's all so clear!
I think a lot of people (not all, but a lot) are very uncomfortable with talking openly and directly about what they want or need from a relationship, which is probably why it happens so rarely on the surface, and mostly as this vague process that just seems to "happen" somehow....lol.
Or maybe this is something that other people naturally do already, and I've just now figured this out. But understanding what I want/need/expect from/of other people feels like I am understanding the nature of my relationships for the first time in my life. It helps to understand why I feel so uncomfortable and panicked when I am asked/forced against my will to have my purpose changed in relationship with someone (as is the case around certain trauma events).
So that's where I am today. . . .seeing and understanding for the first time how my life purpose is actually defined. And looking at the relationships that actually define my purpose by asking the simple and fundamental question of what purpose the relationship serves for me, and what is my purpose in the relationship itself. I really want to understand what I am needing/wanting/expecting of/from the people in my life, and also what I think is needed/wanted/expected of/from me. This last question will be what I think, but it's a starting point for me, for certain.
So this process of clarifying the purpose that defines me within significant relationships may take some time, but it will be well worth the effort, indeed!