It's pushing 9:30 in the morning, and I've barely just begun to get motivated today. I "should" already be over at the storage unit working hard to get as much done as possible to get on the road as quickly as possible...but it's pushing 9:30 in the morning, and I've barely begun to get motivated today.
What's wrong with me that I can't get more done each day?
The truth is, there's nothing "wrong" with me at all. I average about 3 hours of sleep, and the sleep I do get is more often than not a restless fitful sleep that never lets me feel rested. I'm having a hard time getting motivated because I am absolutely exhausted by a lifetime of forcing myself to "push through" the exhaustion and "trudge on" like a good soldier should.
What does a battle fatigued soldier do to get some well deserved rest?!
Well, a battle fatigued soldier quits her job, doesn't take classes she has no energy or desire to take, buys a trailer to create her ideal travelling home, and downsizes her life to a functional manageability so that she can rest as she needs to each and every day.
THAT's what a battle fatigued soldier does.
There probably is more that I "could" get done each day, but not without a cost. I ended up spending a frightening week in the hospital last Thanksgiving with a very serious life-threatening situation precisely because I had been pushing myself too hard for too long...and it nearly killed me.
So, no...I'm not going to force myself to push through this exhaustion...and I will get to the trailer work as soon as I can reasonably get motivated and moving around today.
My life is here...my life is now.
Yup! This is my life. So, I no longer put my needs on hold in order to chase these "after I" carrots that do nothing to help me further my goals, but always leave me feeling drained and depressed.
So, today I can be kind and gentle with my myself by understanding that I am doing the absolute very best that I can do today...given how exhausted I feel. And I will get done what I can reasonably get done today, but I'm not going to sacrifice my needs just to cross a few more things off of my list.
This list of things that need to be done before I leave WILL all get done...but I will also enjoy the process of the journey along the way...even if it means that it takes me a few extra days to do so.
This, right here....this morning after an exhausting sleepless night....this is my life, too...so what I get done today is good enough for me...
