Today is a day to regroup and get my bearings. This isn't the first time I've been here, but I become more exhausted each time I am...so I need to regroup and get my bearings a bit.
I'm not afraid of cancer. I've been living with cancer for half of my life, so I made peace with cancer a long time ago. Cancer is actually a bit of a blessing and gift for me, because while the rest of the world is off working their lives away, I am aware that I don't have that luxery...so I can quit the stressful job and pare down my life to go off travelling the world.
People tell me how amazing and brave I am for doing this, but it has nothing at all to do with anything like brave OR amazing. I'm just more scared of never having lived my own life than being afraid of not having a job or the security it brings.
So I'm grateful for how living with cancer has motivated me to take risks that I might never have the courage to take otherwise. And had I not already quit my job, bought this trailer, and pared down my life for this trek to Nova Scotia...I would absolutely be doing so now. So, Nova Scotia is absolutely a go...and I am even more motivated now to get movin' on down the road.
But I am exhausted, so today is a day to decompress and regroup.
I think what this round is going to help me with is to face the fears that I DO have...like travelling through mountains high and valleys off the beaten track. It scares the crap out of me to be too far away from what I perceive as help or drive through winding mountain roads while towing my trailer. But I am NOT going to let my fear stop me from travelling to and through places that I WANT to visit, just because of the higher risk of danger!! Yes, these will be more risky paths, but I refuse to let fear dictate the course and direction of my life journey!
No, I am not afraid of cancer...and the truth is that living with cancer is actually helping to make me intrepid...so, bring it on!!!
And while today may be a day to decompress and get my bearings, it's so that I can say, "Look out mountains high and valleys off the beaten track, because I am about to drive my way through!" as I write these last chapters of my life with nothing but guts and glory!