I love that well-worn Robert Frost poem about two roads diverging in a yellow wood, and how he, as a traveler, had to make a choice as to which road he would take. In the end, he "took the one less traveled by," which, of course, "made all the difference."
Poets are such great painters of life's poignant truth.
I think we all have roads that are more and less traveled within our lives. The well-worn roads become the easy, comfortable, safe choices, or routine habits that create the primary structure of our lives. They're not bad or wrong...they just function differently than the roads that we travel less upon...the scarier roads with harder choices, higher prices, deeper pains, or higher risks for one reason or another....which is precisely why they are the roads we travel less upon.
But I also believe that these less traveled roads are unique to each person, and help to create the beautiful landscape of individual personal growth by challenging each person to step outside of their comfort zone, to trust the journey, and to take risks that they might not otherwise choose in their every day travels.
Yesterday I had to make a seemingly innocuous choice about tune selection for my first piping competition. My instructor recommended the much more difficult tune, even though it was not the tune that I played the best. Or, I could have chosen the well-worn comfortable set of tunes that I could essentially play in my sleep...the decision was ultimately left up to me.
The choice was painfully difficult.
What I learned about my own divergent roads is that the well-worn road that weaves itself so effortlessly through my world is called The Road Less Stressful. This is the road that my PTSD brain has helped to create as the go-to road for managing & controlling the panic and anxiety that wreaks so much havoc in my life. I didn't even realize how much that I choose this road, until I came face to face with how difficult it was to choose my own road less traveled.
The hallmarks of PTSD are avoidance & isolation...oh, and control. And I've spent the last 30 years reordering my world to avoid people, places, and things that generate stress, because the more stress there is, the more anxiety & panic there is. So, I have come to choose The Road Less Stressful as my default was of managing my PTSD symptoms.
The Road Less Stressful is also affectionately known as My Personal Comfort Zone.
But this is precisely why the journey of piping has been so therapeutic for me, because everything I do pushes the envelope of my internal zone of comfort that has become so dysfunctionally small, it threatens to suffocate the life that binds me. Yesterday was not an easy or pleasant day, but I caught a glimpse of how I am actually expanding my comfort zone (and helping to heal my brain) every single time I choose The Road More Stressful.
Yes, that's right...The Road MORE Stressful.
It seems illogical to me how a MORE stressful path could help to heal my brain, but that's what it's been doing...slowly, over time. The choices don't always have to be monumental choices, but understanding the relationship between these two roads...and the wonderful health benefits that are evident when I retrace this crazy piping journey...is helping me to become a better piper (and person). Good grief, I couldn't play my practice chanter for more than 10-15 seconds without having a panic attack (when I first started)...and yesterday I chose to compete with the much more difficult tune to...in public...with a stranger as judge...in a highly chaotic environment...for my very first competition...and I didn't die?
Definitely a better person.
Yep, two roads diverged in a green piping field...I chose the road more stressful...and it has made all the difference...
