I'm no longer where I was...but, I'm also not (yet) where I want to be...which leaves me in the in-between space of the journey. The in-between isn't a bad place...it's just the segue between what was and what will be.
The in-between is a choice.
I am here because I choose to be. I am in a good place, actually. Sarra and I are safe. My time is my own. I'm staying in a judgment-free environment. I'm close enough to VA facilities to continue with PTSD treatment. The trailer has been upgraded with the brakes to make travel safer. And, most importantly, I am able to add money each month into the travel fund for the trip to Nova Scotia that commences in the Spring.
I choose to be here, because this is the best of all possible choices available...for now.
The problem is that I need to keep reminding myself that this is a choice...because I'm chomping at the bit to move onward and upward away from the emotional stagnation of sitting and waiting in this in-between place, because movement, even wrong movement seems a better option than the sitting and the waiting.
I don't do well with sitting and waiting.
This in-between is the path of greatest resistance (for me)...but, I'm very grateful for everything positive and wonderful that this slowed down part of the journey has to offer...which is a lot, actually. So, if there is so much positive, why is there so much resistance?
I should be.........
Yep, that's it...the long, painful list of self-judgments about everything some part of me thinks I should be doing...but I'm not.
Perhaps Sharon is right..."the thing" itself isn't the problem...it's my self-judgments about "the thing" that"s the root cause of the problem...and definitely what's causing the pain.
My profile pic today says the following: "Allow time to recharge when you need to, so you can walk on renewed in both body and mind." Well, this is exactly what this in-between time is all about, because it's exactly what I need.
So, I'll deal with this long, painful list of "shoulds" and "should nots"...because there is nothing about it that helps to recharge and renew my body, mind, or spirit.
