The world is stunned and saddened by the loss of Robin Williams to suicide, but the cold, hard truth is that we live in a world obsessed with happiness and sunshine...and depression is definitely one of the many dark stories that get labeled as "negativity" to be avoided...which makes the person who can sit and listen to (or walk with) a person whose life is being suffocated by depression one of the rarest of all human beings.
FYI...Depression is not "negativity" to be avoided.
I think this is the underlying problem with depression...it gets labeled as "negativity," then avoided at all cost...which means that the people struggling with the depression also get avoided...or worse...they are told (directly, or through non-verbals) by very well-intended people to "get over themselves," or to "move on," or the endless list of condescending advice that serves no one....and, leaves the person utterly alone in their fight for their life.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."
I have seen this quote by Robin Williams before, but it's particularly poignant on the other side of his suicide. My heart aches to think about how alone he had to feel (in order to end the painful life he could no longer bear). Maybe it's the depression itself that makes us feel all alone on the world, I don't know...what I do know is that depression is a living hell.
Depression is a living hell.
There are many Robin Williams' films that I have enjoyed over the years, but one of my most favorites is What Dreams May Come. It's a wonderful story, but what I love most about this film is how Robin Williams' character was literally willing to walk through hell to find his wife (who had ended up in hell after she had killed herself after a long and unsucceasful battle with depression).
How many people would walk through hell for me? For anyone?
I remember a particular moment in the middle of my divorce when a family member called and I was told, "I don't even have to ask how YOU are...you're always fine!" The person wasn't trying to be mean or offending at all...and probably meant it as a compliment about how strong and capable I am. But, I will never forget the blow to the truth about my life, and how utterly alone and insignificant this comment made me feel, as my life was literally falling apart around me.
There is so much more to a person than what we see on the surface.
Just because someone can laugh (or make other people laugh) doesn't mean they're fine. And, people who are depressed learn very quickly not to talk about the truth of their life when people politely ask how they are. But, when this becomes the status quo in a world obsessed by the happy sunshine, I understand completely how it starts to feel like the only way to escape is to end the dark story yourself.
I didn't know Robin Williams outside of the films he made, but I am profoundly affected by the way he ended the story of his own life. And I completely agree with him that the "worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." So I am feeling personally very grateful that I, myself, have people in my life who I can trust won't avoid the polite social convention, "How are you?" just because the truth on the other side of my response is far from warm, fuzzy, or filled with the happy sunshine with which this chaotic world seems to be completely obsessed.
We all need people in our life to bear witness to the truth of our story, even when that story is infused with depression...especially when the dark story is infused with depression.
