I have continued to process this invisible "betting" process, and I realized this morning that I bet differently against other people than I do myself. My bets against others are from a place of certainty, of knowing (based on experience and expectation) what the outcome is going to be, so they tend to be a singlen specific outcome. (e.g., He's going to end up in a diabetic coma out in some random parking lot!
A single, specific outcome....bet made...sure and certain.
But the bets that I make against myself aren't so clean and clear, because they're made based on multiple probable/possible outcomes that roughly fall into three general categories.
P/PO #1: Plan succeeds without a hitch or glitch....i.e., everything works out just fine.
With respect to my trip to Nova Scotia, this equates to the car runs fine, and we have "clear sailing" all the way to Nova Scotia (and back). It's possible. It could happen. And if I focus all of my attention on just this outcome, I am filled with an exuberant sense of adventure that thrills my spirit. This is the best possible outcome, the one that I want, of course...but this isn't the only possible outcome I could bet on.
P/PO #2: Plan succeeds, but minor obstacle needs to be overcome along the way...i.e., Everything eventually works out, but there will be some minor problems along the way.
OK, so the car has minor issues along the way that are easily repairable, but we would still make it to Nova Scotia and back in spite of the minor setbacks. This would be an acceptable outcome, as well...I still succeed, even if it costs me some extra money. But this isn't a big problem, because I've prepared for this contingency.
Ah, yes...always be prepared.
I have learned that I have better chances to succeed when I have planned & prepared for many contingent problems. So, I upgraded the trailer with brakes. I replaced the car's ceramic brake pads with metallic. I've repaired or replaced old car parts as much as possible. I pack the trailer in the most weight efficient way possible. I have AAA roadside assistance. I have insurance on everything. I have prepared for this trip with as much preparation for contingencies as possible, so I am prepared for P/PO #1 and/or #2. But there is always that dreaded third outcome to bet on...
P/PO #3: Plan fails.
Worst case scenario is definitely that the car completely craps out on me, leaving me stranded someplace where I can't get back home....or even worse, someplace dangerous or life threatening. Yep, this is definitely the third outcome to bet on.
Windows close in 1 minute, make your final bets.
I want some kind of insurance policy that guarantees my safety. I want to know ahead of time that I will make it. I want every positive force in the universe to be betting on me to succeed right along with me! I'm not betting against my self, at all.
I want to succeed!
But here's what's so fascinating to me: I may want to place my bet on P/PO #2 (because this is the most likely outcome), but my fear of outcome #3 is what stops me from betting at all. Not because I am betting against my success. No, it's the fear of #3's possibility that stops me from turning the key and heading east.
I guess thoughts aren't the only currency used to place bets against myself.
So, here's the crux of the whole betting issue: Even though I am consciously wanting to place my bet on option #2, this Fear Factor is like a deadly snake whispering in my ear, scaring the spirit of adventure right out of the equation. And a sorrowful journey of anxiety and panic are just way too stressful to consider...and, so, I don't place my bet on ANY of the options.
But, by avoiding the possibility of option #3, I have stopped betting on myself.
I can't stop here. I can't let this be the way this chapter ends. Am I ready to give up and walk away from this part of my journey?
Am I really going to stop betting on my self, at all?
