Something interesting has happened on the otherside of no longer making unconscious bets about people. Well, two things: the first is the awareness that once I have placed my invisible bet on a specific probable outcome, my entire frame of mind aligns itself to support that probability. Since the majority of my "bets" are cynical and jaded in nature, my attitude automatically necessitates the negative synergistic alignment, which generally leaves me feeling surly and sarcastic....which, also does not readily lend itself for a positive mood or happy thoughts about self, or other.
Thoughts are the currency I use to place my bets about people.
The second unexpected finding is that when I intervene in my own thought process to challenge these bets, all of a sudden I am in a place of no longer knowing (or expecting) what the outcome will be, so there is no longer an investment of my frame of mind into the betting outcome. Which, surprisingly, frees up my emotions to be what they are in the moment...which opens up the whole realm of curiosity, which (for me) has the effect of lightening my spirit significantly.
Not knowing helps me to live more fully in the moment that is now.
These insights are quite significant, actually. And, I hope to continue amplifying the positive feelings that are emerging as I become curious about the outcome, rather than already "knowing" what that outcome will be.
There is a therapeutic intervention that is within the list of paradoxical interventions that has been used by Strategic Family Therapists to help break the habit of family members to make negative statements snd predictions. This involves the use of positive predictions, instead....such as, I predict I'm going to be happy all day long...lol.
I meant it when I said, All bets are off!
I have considered using this strategic technique with my current bets on people, but I am finding an odd enjoyment in this place of not knowing, instead...so, I think I will continue with the breaking of my betting habit....because it's working.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
As the fear of my dad's diabetes management fills my mind, I really have been able to stop the internal bets about his health, because the truth is I am not on control of how his body is going to respond to his lifestyle choices. People defy the odds every single day. So, I am learning how to live each day with the not knowing what is going to happen to him. The truth is that every day could be anyone's last day, so I am choosing to support my dad's success, instead.
I already know what's going to happen.
This is a HUGE bet that I make about people all of the time...and it usually involves the requisite accompaniment of rolling eyes. I caught myself today, and stopped the bet before I could cash in my thought currency...lol. And now I am back to feeling enthusiastic about the plans, letting them unfold in whatever way they are going to all on their own.
So...lots of positive change today.
And a last thought about this layer of my life journey. I didn't get here on my own. I really didn't wake up one day with the jaded and cynical colored eyes that shape and inform my interpretation of my life experience. It happened slowly and cumulatively as my brain was laying down it's neural circuitry during those early years of my life.
Understanding one's history isn't blame...it's self awareness.
I ran across a meme today that reminded me of an important truth, because this work that I'm doing is absolutely necessary, even if other people don't understand why I process so much of my journey.
It really is sooo much easier to build up a child, than it is to repair a broken adult.
And, while I understand the sentiment of this statement, I also don't think of myself as broken, because I'm not. My brain did exactly what God programmed my beautiful brain to do...it hardwired what it learned from the landscape of my very chaotic early life and the unfortunate traumatic events that I experienced along the way
My brain responded appropriately to inappropriate circumstances.
So, if the resultant circuitry requires much more effort than what other people need to do in their own lives (or what they think I should do in mine), then I am more than willing to do the hard work of fixing the way my brain is wired..
...because I believe that God thinks I'm worth it...and so do I.
