I just finished my first reread of Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games, and I can't stop thinking about this story (or the powerful characters that drive the plot). There are so many layers to it, that I am certain that I will be processing this book for many months to come.
Tonight's layer is about the role of the mentors.
As I am playing my practice chanter tonight, the all too familiar critical voices start to replay their toxic litany in my brain. Then it hits me how these internalized voices are exactly the same as the way Katniss has integrated Haymitch's character so much into her one psyche, she knew exactly what he was trying to tell her in the arena, even with no direct form of communication.
The voice of Katniss's mentor becomes inseparably synchronized with her own thought process.
Haymitch's voice was inside of Katniss...very much the same way these critical voices are inside of mine. And, more importantly, these critical voices are shaping my actions and responses in the real-life arena in very much the same way that Haymitch's internalized voice shapes Katniss's actions and reactions in the Capitol's Arena.
Why are my mentors so critical of me in my personal Hunger Games?
Katniss believes Haymitch hates her, but she also comes to respect his role (in spite of his critical gruffness). Yet, Haymitch isn't the only internalized voice that influences Katniss, of course...there's also Cinna. However, Cinna's internalized voice serves a completely different role than Haymitch's surly antagonistic voice. Cinna supports Katniss in a positive way, because (if he could) he would bet on her.
Cinna was betting on Katniss to succeed!
I can see very clearly how important it is to have positive and supportive mentors in my life...people who are betting on me to succeed. Do I have these people already and I've simply been overlooking their positive influence? Or do I need to figure out a way to find them?
Who are the people in my life who are betting on me?
It is an eye-opening realization to see just how many people in my life are actually betting on me to fail. Not intentionally...not maliciously...not even with any conscious knowlwdge that they are doing so. But their thoughts and opinions about me are, in effect, a bet against me...a bet that I will fail, a bet that I will disappoint in some way, a bet that I not live up to their expectations of what they think I should be.
The Hunger Games are real...and people are betting against me...not everyone...but they are. I feel it. I feel the truth of this deep and hard, because it is the truth. I'm not just imagining these critical thoughts. I have internalized them and let them shape my actions and reactions, yes, this is true. But these are the very real voices that are betting on me to fail, not to succeed.
Where are the people who are betting on me to succed?
